He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
