You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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