last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
