Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
