How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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