I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you have feelings for this penis?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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