In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
