I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
