I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize