You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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