Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
