Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Me too!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
