she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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