the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also, beer. Big fan.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize