I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
