What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im six kinds of drunk right now
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
