Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
