You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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