So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
