Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
