Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
