I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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