I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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