I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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