He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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