I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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