as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
