Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
