Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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