I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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