i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
