question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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