just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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