eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
