I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
