If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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