Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize