Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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