WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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