moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
