I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
