Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
