Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
