well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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