its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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