using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
