i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
