I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was not drunk enough for that final.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
