All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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