i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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