Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize