So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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