what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
