Jerry, you need to find god
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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