i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize