You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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