Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
