there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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