When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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