I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i think i just lost a toe
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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