There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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