we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
