i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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