I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
