You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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