ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
