So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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