she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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