Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
wow bdsm is so cute
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