Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Semen is not good for contacts.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
